September 2009
8 posts
1 tag
Excerpts from An Email
This is a story—A REAL LIFE story, mind you—that I just sent in an email to my boyfriend. Not for the faint of heart.
I have to tell you a story. So I was sitting here watching Law and Order: SVU, when my mom came in to chat. She sat down on Alexa’s bed and I paused the show so I could talk to her about her day. All of a sudden, she stopped and looked at the wall behind me and...
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300: Polo Shirt Edition
In my little section of this Earth, the private hermitage I’ve built around myself using books, old cds, and stacks upon stacks of fashion magazines, there is no room for patience. I literally have none of it. I don’t wait for relationships, taxis, drinks, movies, and I especially don’t sit around sympathizing with Joe Somebody when I’m at work. In fact, it’s probably...
6 tags
Tranny Voodoo
I’ve been very much a Debbie Downer recently, readers, and for that I apologize. Sometimes girls just need to feel exceptionally sorry for themselves for a few days. It’s a vanity thing. Much to popular disbelief, I actually have had some amazing nights, I’ve just neglected to talk about them in the pursuit of mass quantities of sympathy (which, you bastards, I did not get). In...
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The Stranger
There is a man who lives on my street who has fascinated me since the leaves had begun to fall, since the sky was a permanent shade of grey, since snow stuck to my eyelashes. And now, my skin is sticky, almost viscous, with the impenetrable humidity of a Virginia summer, and I still wonder who he is, and why he’s so unavoidably queer. Almost every night, between the hours of 12 and 3 am, he...
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Dumpster Diver
If the Mormons who come to my door and lecture me are correct, and I am, in fact, going to Hell, I’m almost certain that I will be assigned to whichever ring requires the damned soul to assist the snarling, hairy beast that is my ex boss. Suffice it to say, hair stylists are their own breed of evil, and I ignored this fact upon seeking work amongst them. I found myself applying to one of the...
4 tags
The Republic of Martini
It sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but I swear it went like this: a Jew, a Catholic, and a Scientologist walked into a bar…and sat down next to me and my best friend. We could tell from their crisp, tailored suits, pastel ties, and matching overcoats that they were probably loaded , and therefore, we should engage them. We quietly sipped our French martinis, clad in jeans and t-shirts, I...