That's What I Said

Cuppa

This Saturday morning is all about peanut butter toast, a proper English cup of tea, and cartoons. There’s only one thing missing, and he’s an entire country away.

Today…

…I am in my fuzzy bathrobe, doing New York Times crossword puzzles on my Kindle while the person I love more than anything I have ever known is sound asleep beside me. I am so full of sickly sweet happiness I may just burst.

An Open Letter to My Future Mister

Dearest Tyler,

Hopefully, with strategic maneuvers on both our parts, this will be the last birthday/Christmas away from each other. It’s so comforting to keep that thought, isn’t it?

I wanted to have a letter to you by your birthday, but with the events of last week, the uncertainty of our future prevented anything being mailed on time. I wish it weren’t so, but instead I can simultaneously embarrass you/gush all about you right here on the internet, where everyone can see just how disgustingly in love with you I am (I promise to send a real letter very soon).

You are quite literally amazing. You just stop me in my tracks, all the time. And as much as you hate to hear about anyone from my past, I can swear to you that I’ve just never in my life met anyone so stunning and clever and…well, just perfect. Especially perfect for me. I’m trying so hard not to start crying like the little brat I am as I’m attempting to formulate sentences that come anywhere close to describing how wonderful I think you are.

I try not to deal in cliches, but we just knock them out, one by one, yeah? And it’s just the best thing. A lightness I didn’t know another person could bring into my life, especially since I go out of my way so often to surround myself with such negativity. You make me smile in a way that is so genuine, sometimes I think my heart will break, I’m so happy. For all of my doubts and fears, a few kind words from you reduce me to a shimmering puddle of giggling, silly girl.

“Tyler” has skyrocketed in use within my lexicon, soaring past such old hits as “Oh my god”, and “Will there be wine?”, to become the single thing I utter the most. If I was cool enough to have a phone with autocorrect, surely every time my finger so much as hovered in the neighborhood of “T”, “TYLER” with a series of hearts and kisses would populate immediately. Oh, how disgusting am I?

I could write you a letter every day—hell, I could write you entire essays—and it still wouldn’t be enough to cover all that I think of you, and all that I imagine for the two of us. I am so disappointed that we can’t be together today, or every day, but I’m convinced that our days of being so far apart are rapidly coming to a close. I’m so lucky I got to spend my birthday with you (and what a fantastic time I had, strawberry ice cream and all), and I wish we could do the same for yours. I feel like a useless girlfriend, so far away, unable to just shower you with presents and affection on your 26th, but I promise on everything I have I’ll make it up to you, someday.

I love you, Tyler. Immensely. And I’m pretty sure you’re going to lose your mind with embarrassment when this posts, but it’s kind of worth it. I’d stand on my roof and shout your name at the top of my lungs if I could, but my neighbors already think I’m crazy, and also it’s quite cold, and I seem to have misplaced my top (as you very well know).

I could go on and on, but I’ll spare you. A million kisses, just for you, as soon as I get to see your big stupid head again.

Always,

Meagan xxxxxxx

A Brief Apology for Recent Behaviors

(Or, Field Notes From The Brink of Madness)

I know you guys get annoyed that I’m always talking about this Tyler fellow. I mean all over twitter and facebook, and during everyday conversations, etc. I’m sure it gets to be a bit much. The chipperness and relentless smiling is probably a tad annoying as well. And you know, if roles were reversed, and any of YOU were talking about someone YOU loved, I would feel the same way. I would roll my eyes and scoff and snort and throw my hands in the air and shout “SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!”. I’m sure I’ve already done this once or twice in reaction to a status or tweet or whathaveyou. It is quite literally the most disgusting thing to read sappy things between two other people. I gross myself out all the time with the mushy nonsense I feel compelled to say to this man. It’s just awful, really. 

But, I’ve got to be completely honest here, he’s just better than most of you. I know, that sounds extremely cruel. But…seriously. Take whoever you’re dating, or married to, or the latest crackhead who’s children you’ve squeezed out, and compare them to Tyler, and I’m afraid they will come up laughably short. He is EXCELLENT. That person you watch Gossip Girl or whatever with…yeah, they’re probably shit. Especially if Tyler is so much as on the same continent as him. 

So, I’m sorry I’m such a sloppy mushy romance-y mess. But if you had a Tyler, you’d do the same thing. Because he’s the best. And he’s perfect for me. And I’m going to throw up every single day because of how much we love each other. And I am so totally excited to be happy,  because for fucks sake, I deserve it.